Assume the Position

A career criminal found himself in yet another precarious predicament. Lights and sirens swirling and whining behind him informed him that his time was up...again. Hesitantly, he pulled his vehicle over to the side of the road. Sure enough, the officer that pulled him over was the same who had caught him so many other times. Simultaneously, both men sighed in amazement and rolled their eyes in disbelief. The officer called the criminal by his name to get out of the car. Upon exiting the vehicle, the officer said, "Assume the position."

Resisting the temptation to ask others what the phrase "assume the position" brings immediately to mind, we'll all just note that this phrase has a negative connotation. Suffice it to say that we all have probably been in situations where we have felt "caught", violated, or taken advantage of (maybe even more than once) to the point that it becomes "old hat". Consequently, we find ourselves in these moments assuming a familiar position as a result of (excuse the psychology term) conditioning. This blog will hopefully serve as a tool to recondition (if necessary) the stance we choose to take in stressful or even traumatic times in our lives.

We all have different postures we assume in troublesome times. So, let's talk about five that have come to my mind. First, we have those people that assume the defensive stance. Probably the most popular of choices, the defensive stance is assumed as a means of self preservation when faced with what one may view as an attack, problem, or stressful situation. Second, we have the victim pose. It may not be self explanatory to some. Suffice it to say, this posture can come after a series of painful events and one must be handled gently while frozen here. Third, is another common approach to problematic situations - the escape artist. Especially in the current fad of prescription/illicit drug abuse, many people choose to act as escape artists by drowning problems in drugs or even alcohol abuse; but do not be mistaken! ANYTHING can be used to escape problems too big to face alone. The fourth option (and my least favorite) is a perpetrator. There are some who have felt like they have been short changed so often that they will no longer sit back and wait to be taken advantage of but instead inflict retribution on others - sometimes even innocent bystanders.

Before we try to identify with a specific category that we may or may not fit into, let it be said that one person can take any or all of these positions at some point in a lifetime and sometimes all at once. Could this be the reason we see so many people hurting others in our society today? I make no claims to be an expert. Neither will I attempt to make this something worthy of being posted on the APA website. However, I do feel an extreme need to point out that in my life I have justified my behavior solely on the merits of what has been done to me. If I have done this, then it could very well be possible that others have as well. So, if by my admission I can encourage someone or join someone in their shadows to make them feel less alone, so be it.

Therefore, let me just share the postures I have assumed in my lifetime. I will try to make it as chronological as I can to bear out the progression. In my younger years, I was very trusting and naïve. I could be tricked by the silliest of pranks because I just wanted to belong so badly. I never got hurt by these pranks only maybe slightly embarrassed. As I got older, though, I would get so angry at myself for being so stupid that I began striking back in a defensive manner with sarcasm and cutting comebacks. Soon, my behavior became less reactionary in an attempt to head pain off at the pass. I began perpetrating painful things on others before they had a chance to hurt me. I justified it as preventative maintenance. As more time passed and more of life happened, I encountered many traumatic circumstances to the point that I just could not be strong enough to fight back, which left me victimized with a cowering personality. This infuriated me because I hated feeling and being viewed as weak. It was completely unacceptable for me. So, I tried to escape from my problems. I used various methods all failing miserably despite my justification of retaliation for all that had been done to me and all it left me with was a reflection that I despised.

To reiterate what I said earlier, I am no expert and by no means do I have all the answers. What I do know is this: I have assumed the defensive position and I, along with many others, still got hurt. I have assumed the perpetrator position and innocent people got hurt. I have assumed the victim position and hated my own weakness. I have assumed the escapist position and people were horribly effected by my absence. What is the common thread? People got hurt in EVERY ONE of these positions and at NO time did I ever successfully protect myself from pain. Why? Because in life there WILL be pain. None of us like this fact! We do not want to hear or be reminded of it; but it is still the reality.

I use to hate the scripture in *Matthew 5:44 that says, "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;". Equally as troublesome was the scripture in *Matthew 18:21, 22 that states, "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven." I mean, come on! Really? I am expected to forgive the same person for the same thing 490 frickin' times in the SAME DAY???!!! Get outta here! There is no way. It's not fair to just let those hateful horrible people that hurt me off the hook. These scriptures were so troublesome that I rebelled against them, refusing to operate that way. I punished those who hurt me by not forgiving them and holding them internally and eternally responsible. The only problem was my perpetrators were completely apathetic and oblivious to the grudges that I re-lived [sometimes] daily. Ashamedly, after many years of holding everyone internally accountable for everything they said or did or didn't say or do to me, I realized that these principles were given to me not as a means to give predators a license to victimize me. Instead, these principles served as a key to unlock the shackles that bound and tormented me.

There we have it. We all have been given the keys to unlock us from the imprisonment of any pain we have experienced from problems, stresses, or trauma. So, go and be free! Right? Well, I don't know about you, but I hate pat answers and have very little respect for those that flip them off their tongues. I do not need to tell anyone who has ever really seriously been hurt how hard it is to truly forgive the source(s) of pain and move on truly free in life. What I have spelled out here in this blog may be exactly what others have gone through or not at all close. After all, everyone is different. However, what I encourage anyone who is facing something right now to do is assume the fifth position that I have purposely saved until now and that is the survivor position.

Being a survivor is the most rewarding position one could ever take and yet the most difficult. The survivor approach in life is much like the attitude found in *2 Corinthians 4:7-10 that says, "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. [We are] troubled on every side, yet not distressed; [we are] perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body." Mother Teresa said it another way: "People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway." (http://www.prayerfoundation.org/mother_teresa_do_it_anyway.htm)

What does the survivor position look like? Again, it may look as many different ways as there are people. To me, however, I assume the survivor position best when I face the cross on Calvary, acknowledge the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and do my very best to live as He did. If I do this, maybe one day I can (like Stephen in Acts 7:55, 56) focus my attention more on the mutual love and respect that Christ and I share than the current pain I am suffering. I wonder what society would look like if everyone reconditioned themselves to assume this survivor position.

*All scripture references were taken from www.blueletterbible.org in the King James Version.

Ground Zero

I stand facing the foundation of the house I have built.
Surrounding it and me (for as far as the eye can see) is the debris from catastrophic events initiated by my own hands and the hands I have hired. Still the destruction surprises me despite the warning signs I have ignored at every regressive stage.

The dust is settling and the noises have ceased. Yet my ear drums are still throbbing from the clamoring. I wipe the pain and splinter invoked tears from my eyes. Hopelessness accompanied by grief hung on me like a yoke strapped to a beast of burden when the structure collapsed over a month ago.

Some "on-lookers" were relieved that the dilapidated structure finally fell. Others, when they see me, still gaze with pity and hold a little tighter to what they have - grateful it is not them standing in my place. Yet, there are my friends and loyal companions who rush to my side with kind words and able hands to aid in the clean up. Rain begins to fall clearing the remaining dust still lingering in the air. I can see the sun.

I cover my eyes from the glare. In the distance I see a figure approaching. I think I know Him; but it's been a while. He walks with authority and determination. Initially, my spirit within me quivers with fear and shame. Yet, it is futile to try to hide what I have done. Then I see His face. The disappointment and pain of what I am going through is marked in His eyes and it cuts me to the bone. I shed tears I thought had dried.

The Hero holds me up as my body is weak from my self-inflicted trauma. His eyes change from pain to purpose wiping the streaks from my dingy cheeks. We turn around and look at the mess I have made. There is no denying what has happened. My grip on His strong arm tightens as I survey the daunting task of cleaning it all up. I shamefully admit, "I just can't do it. I can't fix it. This is just too big for me."

My Hero responds with a grin, "That's what I have been waiting to hear." Suddenly a masterful mystical crew of workers arrives on the scene attending to my needs, nursing my wounds, cleaning up the destruction, and blessing those who have stood by me despite my gross imperfection. Humility overwhelms my hopelessness and gratitude replaces the grief.

Today I stand at ground zero where the Architect has graciously assumed the chore of making over my life. He has cleaned up what I have destroyed and is building a perfect foundation to replace the unstable one I so arrogantly thought I could construct my way on my own. He will decide when the project is complete, but today I already like how much better it looks.

Walking out of Dysfunction

Jet black is disturbed by pinpoints of stark white expanding

to expose shades of gray.

Strikes of crimson and copper fade into deep blues and

iridescent indigo.

Flashes of tainted green appear.

Golden yellow comes to the rescue and continues on into glowing orange.