I Never Did Mind About the Little Things

Charles Martin in his book entitled "Where The River Ends" describes an event called "the hatch". It is a time of year where mosquitoes hatch from their eggs strategically laid in watery wombs. I pray this event is fictional. If it is not, I pray I am never anywhere near the sight where this occurs as Mr. Martin adequately describes the appetite and veracity of these infant blood suckers to the point where the reader can actually visualize what the character in the book goes through once the demons reach him.
     "Most of my skin and hair turned black...Every inhale brought bugs down my throat. Abbie was screaming and slapping herself, while the bugs flew into my nose, my ears, my eyes and bit me through my clothes or on bare skin. Within seconds, my skin and face were on fire."

Later, he describes his appearance after escaping the violent insect mob.
     "I, on the other hand, was swelling and starting to look like somebody had shoved an air hose up my nose and inflated my face." And he went on to say, "My face was on fire and both my left ear and left eye were nearly swollen shut. The tops of my hands and fingers were so fat that the paddle felt twice as thick as it had an hour ago."

I want to point out the difference in the way the two characters responded to this winged attack. First, let's look at the male character named Doss. Once he heard the sound, he took action and ran for shelter thinking only of protecting his wife. While his adrenaline was pumping, he never lost focus on what he needed to do. Now, Abbie, on the other hand reacted completely differently.
     "She slapped me six or eight times in the face, each slap growing harder each time. Abbie hated mosquitoes. She was about to slap me again when I grabbed her hand. 'Honey...you're not helping.' Blood was dripping out of the corner of my mouth where she'd hit me. 'Oh...oops.'"

Yes, men and women do respond differently to the same circumstances just by virtue of gender. However, no matter what gender one may be, I believe there can be calculated responses to potentially overwhelming situations. However, we must be willing to stop and think instead of reacting out of sheer unbridled emotion.

Oddly enough, this reminds me of a 90's movie entitled "Assassins / Point of No Return". Bridget Fonda and Anne Bancroft star together in a scene where Anne's character (Amanda) must train Bridget's character (Maggie) etiquette to balance her rigid assassin training. Amanda tells Maggie to smile when she finds herself in an uncomfortable situation and say, "I never did mind about the little things." Amanda's statement in this film has stuck with me and troubled me greatly all these years. You see, I've struggled to foster a feminine refined demeanor to counter the protective turtle shell I have crafted around me. While Amanda's statement may be an escape hatch in a troublesome social situation, I find it deceptive but at the same time controlled. Then I realize social situations and society as a whole thrive on these two ingredients. We remain calm, cool, and collected in times of trial because not to would expose our vulnerability, make others uncomfortable, and may even invoke chaos. And we cannot have chaos, can we? In my journey to find my own truth and path, I have a hard time not seeing this as hypocritical. Maturity and time has taught me, though, that it is not necessary to expose everything to everyone.

Now, remaining collected and graceful may be easy to do when A mosquito anchors to one's flesh. One could simply swat the sucker away while quipping, "I never did mind about the little things." glide their nose skyward and sip some Earl Grey with left pinky slightly lifted. But I cannot imagine accomplishing this display when one is swarmed with fifty thousand mosquitoes. Even Audrey Hepburn may have a strand of hair come out of place while trying to escape a vicious swarm of that magnitude.

All this is to say that life is full of troublesome, irritating, and nagging situations. We all know this. Admittedly, there is a temptation in me to reform society by breaking the norms, expose vulnerability, and break pretenses and facades with radical honesty. After all, society is about nothing more than appearing to have it all together equipped with all the answers when in fact that could not be further from the truth. On the other hand, however, society still has some redeemable qualities. Manners and etiquette are something I not only believe in but I admire them in others. So, once again, I find myself teetering between two ideas trying to establish balance.

Balance did not come to Bridgett Fonda's angry character in the movie just by blowing away her targets as a means of seeking vengeance for her dysfunctional life. Neither did she find peace when Anne Bancroft's character tried to refine her. Maggie had to find her own way out of a mess. In my interpretation of the movie, she used the sum of her life (past, present, and future), the people she loved and those responsible for educating her to decide her own path. In order to do this, Maggie had to make tough, scary, calculated, and deliberate decisions. The statement, "I never did mind about the little things." was meant to force emotions and thoughts into submission before squeezing a hair trigger. Life is full of conflict both internal and external. No one is perfect at picking their conflicts all the time. The trick is to find peace amidst strife. When peace comes, that is when I will be able to smile and say, "I never did mind about the little things." for with peace comes clarity of mind. With clarity of mind, comes discernment to define what ''little things" are versus what is paramount.