Okay...so, look! For the most part, I am a strong intelligent independent beautiful woman; but I am beginning to believe that every super hero has a sort of "kryptonite". You know? That one thing that pulls you from the clouds by your cape and slams you debilitated on the sidewalk? Yeah, that kryptonite.
In order to even begin this blog, I have to reference my previous post "This is Closure". It doesn't take a rocket scientist to decipher that I am one of many other people that fall into the trap of going back to a dysfunctional ex. Let's be real, shall we! I basically have gone back to my ex much the same way as Barry the bee tries to bust through the window.
"This time" from The Bee Movie
I would also like to point out that it was rather comical even to me when I came back to pound out these thoughts on my poor keyboard to discover that another previous post's title was "Quitting is Just Not My Style". So, yeah! You all probably were able to predict what was going to happen even before I went through it...again.
Therefore, I would like to take the time to tell anyone else (male or female, really) before you go back to an ex, DON'T! You can think about it; but just DON'T DO IT! The key here is to THINK about it. CRITICALLY THINK about it! Don't romanticize about it. BE REAL! If it was all so glorious, you would have never agreed to end it in the first place now would you!? However, when you do (as some of you, like me, will do) and WHEN (not if) it fails, LEARN from it. I can honestly say that in the...what was it... five times...oh, lord I've lost count (YES, I'M THICK! Reread the opening there, Judgey Wudgey)...anyway - in all the many times I flew back to "Mr. Psycho McLamedick" (names have been changed to protect the guilty) and was smashed on the pavement, I did learn something.
Let me explain. So, here I am sitting at work cowering in the middle of the aftermath of emotions that are flooding over me as is always the case when we break up. Finally, I get a moment when I think I am the only one in the office. Thinking the coast is clear, the pressure cooker inside me releases some steam. There go the flood gates! I do manage to cry somewhat quietly in case some one comes back in unexpectedly but if anyone was in the office, they could have heard me. After about 3 - 5 minutes of a good cry, I commence to blowing my nose (Ladies, I don't need to explain the details of what kind of a nose blow a good 3-5 minute cry will produce). That's when I hear someone walk by! DANG IT! How could I forget a co-worker was in my very small office you ask? Well, it's only because he's like a little mouse quiet and confined to his space most of the day (Gah! you people really are judgey.)! I quickly turn my back to the doorway of my office and attempt to clear up before he walks back by. FAILED!
Thankfully, he was kind, gracious, and professional. He asked if I was ok to which after some discourse I replied, "I just need to stop licking my wounds." Get ready for his mind blowing response! He said, "How else are they going to heal." Well, just like the scripture that says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver..." (Proverbs 25:11) that response just melted into me and gilded to my soul. Immediately, a deep healing warmed over me and instantly gave me permission to be nice to myself. When a dog is wounded, he can be found licking the wound gently and incessantly to keep it from getting infected and to speed up the healing process. He's not biting or growling at himself. On the contrary! Rather, he snaps and growls at any potential threat that could keep him from healing or even hurt him further. Take this for whatever it's worth; but as for me I'm going to go find a dark safe corner to take care of myself until I'm ready to be approached again..."and that's ok".
